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You wouldn’t want to embarrass your shadow with these beauties, would you???

1) The Motorola DynaTAC…

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Obviously the man in this picture doesn’t care what holding this huge chunk of metal could seriously do to his health …and reputation. He can get away with it, though. He invented it.

Introducing Cooper. Dr Martin Cooper. Motorola genius extraordinaire. The Daddy, the Don Dada, the creator of the first ever handheld portable mobile phone: an 800 MHz prototype.

Now, the phone in the photo might look huge, but believe it or not, it’s a smaller replica of the real prototype. The real one apparently weighed in at around 4.5 lbs (fondly called ‘the brick’).

In April 1973, Cooper must have been pleased as pie as he stood on the streets of 6th Avenue, New York, and made that first call.

So, that’s how you get the ladies, huh?

2) The Nokia Mobira Senator…

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Is it a personal stereo? A suitcase? No, believe it or not, it’s a mobile phone, and it was Nokia’s first baby (born in 1982). The Mobira Senator wasn’t a walk-around mobile phone, but a mobile phone nonetheless: a portable one designed for a car. It weighed 21 lbs (enough to lopside any vehicle it was in, perhaps?)

3) Motorola DynaTAC 8000X…

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On the market in 1983, the Motorola DynaTAC 8000X was the first commercial handheld mobile phone and was a close but much slimmer cousin of its original predecessor, weighing in at a more manageable and respectable 1.75 lbs.

Now this model had a rather long antenna which probably made walking around people somewhat of a challenge without almost poking someone’s eye out. In today’s ever more densely populated world where you can just about swing a toothpick, a mobile phone that size wouldn’t have gone down too well.

4) Siemens Oxford C1…

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Siemens jumped on the bulky bandwagon in 1985 with its Oxford C1 model. The company also designed a suitcase to go with it (though it looks like it had a torrid Gone-with-the-Wind affair with a car battery).

And just in case any aliens were looking to invest in the new product, Siemens made sure it printed its name in large bold print across the full length of the suitcase, so it could be viewed from space. Ah, brilliant.

5) Ericsson Hotline…

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Weighing in at a hefty 4kg, the 1988 Ericsson Hotline was the equivalent of how you’d imagine a mobile phone would look if it grew a pair of arms, dipped into an 80s wardrobe and dressed itself. Either that or the chief technical designer was an ex DJ and looked to one of those huge speakers you’d find at an 80s disco party for design inspiration.

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6) The Motorola Bag Phone…

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The 1992 Motorola bag phone was designed to make it convenient for people to walk and talk on their mobile phones. Unfortunately, it turned out not to be quite as ‘mobile’ as they envisaged and it might as well have been called a car phone. Apparently, the bag phone was so heavy that a lot of people just couldn’t be bothered to carry it around with them and left the whole caboodle in their cars. The culprit wasn’t so much the phone, but the accompanying battery and transceiver that weighed it down.

7) Siemens Xelibri…

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Released in 2003, would anyone have guessed these were indeed mobile phones? Or would it have had people screaming “don’t stick that thing in my arm”? There’s just something about this range that’s very reminiscent of health check kits used to test blood sugar levels.

Not a good look — and the consumers seemed to agree, which is why the Xelibri was only on the market for all of 18 months.

Shame that.

8) The Samsung P300…

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Like the Siemens Xelibri, the Samsung P300 appears to have had serious identity issues. This time, this one thought it was a calculator. Not it’s fault, really. Samsung, what were you thinking? Who’s the uber-dominant tech wig that came up with this brilliant idea?

Calculator or phone, it really doesn’t look that great either way.

And to think it was designed as recently as 2006.

Worrying.

9) The Nokia Vertu Bucheron Cobra…

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Nostradamus couldn’t have predicted this one. Neither could he have predicted that the words ‘mobile phone’ and ‘$310,000’ would share the same sentence one day — which is how much one of these sparkly babies went on the market for (in 2006).

If a phone is ugly to start with, then slapping gold cobras, diamonds, emeralds and 439 rubies on it only serves to accentuate its hideousness. Someone must have seen sense because only a cautious eight of these visual eye-aches were ever created.

Nokia did eventually see the light …and produced a cheaper model …at $115,000 a pop.

Great.

Conference calls are at large, very convenient since you can hold important meetings while doing other work. This way, you don’t have to sit in a board room. However, the biggest downfall with conference calls is usually some kind of awful background noise and you don’t usually know where it’s coming from.

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The most poplar background noise is the buzz. You sometimes here this on podcasts or through chat messenger software like Skype. This buzzing is more than likely due to somebody talking on a cell phone, as cell phones often carry an annoying buzzing sound that can be easily heard on the other line, while the cell phone user isn’t aware of any problem. If you participate in a conference call, it’s best to avoid using a cell phone or a cordless phone with bad reception to call in. You should also be sure wherever you are calling in from is not too noisy, such as a busy area in a building, at home with screaming kids, a busy restaurant, or driving in the car since all everyone will hear is wind.

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Bear in mind that since conference calls are usually recorded, there can be an echoing sound. For this reason, you want to make sure that when you talk, if you hear your own voice, don’t get confused and lose your train of thought. Just pull the ear piece as far away from your ear as possible and just talk normally into the phone.

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Audibility is also a major pet hate of conference calls. Sometimes, the speaker cannot be heard at all because they are talking so low. Always make sure to speak loud and clear so that you don’t frustrate others in the meeting. This also saves time because people don’t have to ask you to repeat what you said.

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Another pet hate regarding conference calls and cell phones is reception can be lost. This happens very frequently, and it is a huge annoyance for the people in the meeting. If they are trying to ask you a question and realize later you are not there, they must wait for you to come back. If you have to call in from a cell phone, try to stay in one quiet spot where you know you’ll have good reception throughout the entire call, and also ensure that your battery has enough life.

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The biggest frustration for people calling into a conference meeting is waiting on hold for the host. If you plan on hosting a conference call, it is very important that you be the first to call in, or at the very least, make sure you call in at the scheduled time. Don’t be late or else everyone that had to wait on hold for you would have lost valuable time out of their busy days and are less likely to want to actively participate in your conference call.

Work is often a drag, and so it’s important to liven things up from time to time. There was a time when a good office joke was a whoopie cushion on your supervisor’s seat, a fake phone call from the boss changing the deadline from next week to today, or gluing coins to the floor underneath a tightwad’s desk.

As technology advances, so do the pranks. For one, there are new avenues with which to explore office humor. Secondly, it sometimes allows pranksters to maintain a certain amount of anonymity, especially when it comes to conference calling.

Conference calls can often be dull, depending on the subject matter, but there are ways to liven things up and even get a few laughs out of everyone. For one, you can easily just toss conference call etiquette out the window. Cough loudly into the receiver, make ridiculous comments under your breath, laugh at people’s ideas, etc…

However, if you really want to pull a great conference call prank, try a few of these out.

1- It’s a jungle out there!

Assemble a few sound effects of various jungle noises, such as wildcats, lions, monkeys, elephants, etc… After someone speaks, just pick a sound and play it for all to hear. Make sure you cut yourself off a few times too so no one knows it’s you. Whenever someone comes up with a silly idea, try the monkey sound. When someone tries to act like the boss, or the boss speaks, use the lion. If a co-worker acts a bit hostile, try the wildcat. You can find these sound effects all over the internet in mp3 format for free, so do a search and plan your jungle theme conference call prank today.

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2- You’re under arrest!

For this prank to work, you’ll need the help of some friends, and you’ll need to be calling in to the conference from home. Sometime during the conference call, have your friends bust in and make a bunch of noise, shouting, “Get down! Get down! You’re under arrest!” and other things. Watch some cop shows to get some great ideas, or record clips from your favorite cop shows and movies to use in your conference call prank. You’re sure to leave your co-workers scratching their heads.

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3- Everyone has déjà vu

At the start of the conference call, begin recording the meeting. A few minutes into the meeting, play it back and just let it go without stopping it. Another great way to do this is to just play back parts of it every-so-often, to keep people wondering, “Didn’t he just say that 5 minutes ago?”

Break into your routine and play a hilarious conference call prank! Everyone needs a good laugh!

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